May 13, 2010

Whoa! Back up the bus!

According to Yahoo I’m not cool anymore. They said I’m like an old man yelling at kids in my yard. How did this happen? Was it when I sued my dry cleaner for 3 billion (and won) for shrinking one of my turtlenecks? Was it when I stopped freebasing mocaine?

Some people are blaming me for stealing all that blogger’s stuff. Or hating on Flash. Or banning nipples in the app store.

I blame Noah Wylie.

Since perception is 110% of everything, I’ve got to convince people I’m still cool. So, I’m starting this weekend by inviting Jason Chen over to the house for a BBQ. Maroon 5 is doing an acoustic performance and then we’re hitting the sweat lodge. I may even let him have one of his laptops back. And we’re gonna film it all and put it on facetube. Then I’m gonna crash a golf tournament will Bill Murray. Gallagher offered to let me smash some melons at a show in Tulsa next week.

Also, I’m donning some American Apparel chartreuse turtlenecks to go with my Thocks.

I still hate Flash, but Nipples are now welcome in the App store. “30 nips per second” will be the first approved app you can buy for $9.99.

Get off my lawn.