Give it back now
So I was Speeder Biking with Noah Wylie and Lucas last week up in the Redwoods. We got pretty parched and stopped in at a local Speeder Biker Bar, you know the one off Route 35? Forest Moondance Diner?
Anyhoo, I lost something, something really really really secret. Tim Cook has threatened to repossess my iLiver and lock me out of the executive bathroom and spa. So if you could be a dear and return it immediately. All you need to do is hold the home and volume up button for 10 seconds and it’ll fly home on it’s own.
A reward will be considered. Perhaps a dip in the plasma baths at my estate. Or a photo opportunity with me and my Cyborg Serv-o-bot, Gary Busey. Or I’ll enable Flash to work on just your personal iPad. Think of the possibilities. An entire army of child-programmers at Adobe developing Flash games and content just for you.
So, please, for the love of god, return the thing. I don’t want it getting out that we’ve outsourced our industrial design to a marketing team from Nokia and Palm. At least not until after the cover-up, frame-job, show-trial, and press conference where I say how sad it is that Tim Cook is going to jail for a long long time.
Oh did I mention that? Sorry. Jony Ive may be about to be “killed” on “accident” by “me” during a disagreement over the outcome of a game of Jenga. Stay tuned for me not getting charged with anything.
1 year ago