September 9, 2009

I’m back bitchez

So I strolled out to a standing O this morning. And of course it lasted nearly an hour. Why shouldn’t it?

So, I’ve been busy big time in the last month, creating many new toys, reinventing the future’s future. I had reinvented it 18 months ago, but wasn’t happy with it, so I sent it back for a redesign. Since my ovation lasted so long, there were several announcements that we couldn’t make due to time running out.

1. The beatles catalog on iTunes. F them, they’re not good enough for itunes. Have you actually ever listened to a Beatles song? They’re awful. Horrible drumming. Horrible lyrics. “Let it Be”? I will NOT let it be! That’s Bill’s motto. Let it be….terrible. Beatles turtlenecks=good, actual Beatles music=gut-wrenching lameness.

2. New hire at Apple. I’m happy to announce Christopher Walken will be joining us as Chief Enforcement Officer. What will he enforce? What WON”T he enforce. I’ve hired him to whip me into shape, terrorize the interns, de-lint my turtlenecks, deliver drugs to the programmers, and track down that Skag Baron Savage Henry.

Look for an announcement from Chris soon. Go F yourself, San Diego.